if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
