Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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