after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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