im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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