Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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