well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
