cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
