I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize