Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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