it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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