Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
