we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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