we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
