i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
