Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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