If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
