and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
