It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
