What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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