You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
