Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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