i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the day after is always just damage control
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
