Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
