but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
