He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
