For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Green mimosas i think yes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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