Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
