She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
