goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
