Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
