She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
