At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
only you would photoshop your dick
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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