I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
