whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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