I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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