i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
