Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
