if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
