We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize