I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
