Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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