We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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