Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
