She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
