I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
