brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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