The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Still dying that you shit outside
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
