fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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