He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize