He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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