My boss' voice literally gives me gas
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
