she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
