Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
