i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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