I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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