I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
