i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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