god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
