I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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