if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
