Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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