I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
