yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
