whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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