Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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