I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
