I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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