I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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