Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
