she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize