She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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