I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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