I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can text with my tongue
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
