Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
