Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
