How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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