he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
