Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
