you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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