I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
