Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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