I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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