after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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