Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
