Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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