wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
