make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
