Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
