This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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