I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The air taste purple.
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