you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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