Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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