all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
