i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
