can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
