I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
