Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
